Babies · Child · children · Devotional · God · Mommy · mother · Prayer · Religion · Uplifting

Thank the Lord for my shining stars 

Sitting here thinking about my little man and that he will be 4 this year. I think to myself, my baby will be 4!!??? Where has the time gone?! I do not have any regrets with how we’ve raised him. I do not regret letting him co-sleep, moving him into a toddler bed at 1. Giving him too much love, hugs and kisses. I do, however, regret stressing so much on having another baby to love, and hold. I feel like I missed out on 2 years of him growing. Yes I was right there and I am a stay at home mommy. But I was so depressed and hurt, that I feel like even though I was there, I wasn’t the best mommy I could have been for him. It was hard to play on the floor with him because I was always pregnant. I was always sick. At night when it was time for bed, after he would go to bed, I would just cry. Not like sob, I mean really cry my heart out to The Lord. My husband had and has been really amazing through the whole struggle! I know that men feel the pain of early pregnancy loss a lot differently than us women do, but he never once blamed me or made me feel bad. He was always right there to hold me or give me a shoulder to cry on. My husband hurt more to see me hurting. I would just lay there next to my son and hold him so tightly cause I felt so blessed to have him. More so than before. Going through 6 losses definitely oppened my eyes more than they were to how blessed we truly are to have a child at all. I have always told myself, I want to love my children to death cause I don’t know how many I will be able to have, if any at all. I’ve done just that. Some mamas have told me that I’m too protective or too over bearing with my child. But you know what, if I hadn’t been I would have regretted it. Every parent, parents differently and that’s okay! We shouldn’t shame another because they love too much, or do something differently than you. When our sweet little girl comes I will do the same with her cause we prayed for her for so long. We went through what felt like hell to have her. We prayed for our son too, but we didn’t struggle with him.  God never gave up on us, and even though at times I was confused and angry, I never was angry with God. I kept my faith because He knows when is right, He knows what our hearts desire. I remember breaking down in the kitchen one night, and talking to God and saying to him, “God I cannot do this on my own. Please, please help me. Please tell me what it is that I am supposed to do. I can’t do this any longer. I can’t go through the heartache. This is our last time trying. If this is your will for my family then I have full faith and trust in you.” I truly let go and let God that night.  It was about 2 weeks later we discovered we were indeed pregnant. God is so amazing, and when you truly give all to Him, he will return the blessing to you. I am still in awe, and in shock that we are finally having another sweet babe to love. But we are so excited and ready to start this new journey, from a family of 3 to a family of 4. May God hold and bless all of you! ❤ 

Remember to enjoy the small things in life, cause they too pass too quickly! Xoxo 

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