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Heart ache 

I never would have thought that at 21 years old I would be married and have a beautiful, precious son first try. A short couple of years later, just before he turns two, we’ve unfortunately had 2 early miscarriages. Though this has been really hard, it has brought our little family closer together. It has made me that much more appreciative of the little things and the big things in life. My greatest fear has always been not being able to or struggling to have children. It seems that my worst fear is now my reality. Today after it happened, I called my husband and just wept to him. He may not be the most romantic all the time, but today he was when I needed him, same with last time. These moments when I need him the most are when he’s the most romantic. My husband is romantic when I need him to be, not when I want him to be and I love that feature about him. When I got off the phone all I could do was hold my baby boy and cry. After a few short moments of him allowing me to hold him he looked up at me and grabbed my face and gave me kisses, not just one but 2! I thought to myself, how absolutely precious is he? To know that I am hurting so he kissed me to heal my boo boo, as I do for him when he cries. Our baby boy is so smart and such a wonderful gift from God. These miscarriages have brought my family closer together but have also brought us closer to God. I look to Him instead of letting this loss get me down. I know with Him we will someday have another child. Maybe not right now on my own timing, but in time on His. I am at peace knowing that God is with us. I have Faith in Him and His timing for our little family. After my boy gave me kisses, I jumped up and continued cleaning, next was his room. I put the clean sheet on his bed and as most children, my baby loves clean sheets. He jumped on his bed and patted it for me to lay down next to him, so of course I did. Next he just lit up my world, and made my heart sing! I was tickling him and attacking his little piggies as he laughed so hard! You know? That laugh that is a belly laugh and contagious, the kind that hurts your sides; yeah that laugh! It was just what I needed to make me feel better! To remind me that I AM a mother! I still have my wonderful little boy! This may be a bump in the road for my little family, but I will not lose hope, I will not give up. I know in my heart that we are meant to eventually have another child; and if God says no, then we will be okay with that, because He blessed us so much already!

For anyone else trying to conceive or has had a loss, don’t give up! Don’t lose hope! Look to God and pray. Because there is power in prayer! ❤ keep your head up and be thankful for what you DO have.

Wisdom 1:13-14 “God did not make death, and he does not delight in the death of the living. For he created all things that they might exist.”

Lamentations 3:20-23 “My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

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