Advice · Uncategorized

A healthy marriage 

My tips on how to have And maintain a healthy marriage. First off marriage is really hard work. But it’s the type of hard that is fun, rewarding and an overall constant learning experience! If someone were to ask me, “how do you keep your marriage strong?” My answer would simply be this, we love each other unconditionally. Love is what brings you together and what keeps you together. Trust is another. I truly believe with all my heart that if you don’t trust the person you are with then really you don’t have anything. You shouldn’t have to worry about what that other person is doing behind your back because they wouldnt be doing that anyways. You shouldn’t have to go through their phone,  because they are 100% devoted to YOU. When you get married, you make a vow of ever lasting love. A promise to one another to stay faithful, strong for one another, devoted, be there for one another, and be there through thick and thin; you become one flesh. 

Communication is another important must have for a healthy marriage. If something is bothering you or weighing heavily on your heart, just talk to your partner. By allowing your partner into your heart and your troubles, you open a door for them to confide in you and be just as comfortable coming to you about anything they are thinking about, or stressing them too. If you don’t communicate your worries with your partner and God, then they will never get “fixed,” and those issues will remain heavy, then the next time the subject may come up, you might not be so happy to discuss the problem, but rather lash out from the build up of negative energy. So it’s best to just communicate it through and get it out in the open. Chances are your partner is going to show you their undivided attention, love and encouragement on the matter. 

Apologizing. Though this may seem easy enough, sometimes a simple little “I’m sorry” is hard to say. At the time of the “tiff” we are often so heated we play every little moment in our minds all the way back from, I don’t know 2 years ago lol, and we make our selves sick thinking of all the negativity. For us, even if I don’t think it was my fault, I often apologize first because chances are if I think I wasn’t in the wrong then he probably does too. So I’ll apologize and then he will too, in turn ending the fight and causing a domino effect of all our troubles to melt away. It will make you feel better and show your significant other that you still care, which of course you do or else you wouldn’t of gotten upset! 😉 

Staying calm. This is a big, BIG deal! I’ve noticed in my own marriage that if something is bothering me if I just go to him calmly and rationally then the overall outcome is way, better! No one likes to be yelled at or made to feel like they’re not doing something right. If they feel attacked then just like any human, they will put their guard up and attack right back. This doesn’t solve anything, but actually will make the matter worse. By just talking to your love from your heart maturilly, compassion will come from it and a stronger relationship will build, which brings me to the most important piece to keeping and maintaining a healthy relationship; God. Without God in our marriage and in our life we would be completely lost! When we got married I didn’t have Jesus in my heart as my Lord and savior. Because of this I would lash out before thinking my words through. I wouldn’t pray to Him for His guidance on the best possible path to address the issue at hand. I would continuously allow my emotions to bottle up creating a whirlpool of negative energy so vast that I would explode all feeling onto my husband; that is unhealthy. I thank God every day for His Grace and my husbands patience that through THICK and thin he has stood by me. Before I was saved, religion was a subject we just didn’t find important to communicate about. He had his beliefs and I had mine. We would often bump heads on the matter saying eachother was wrong or we would just let the subject go all together to the point of not even discussing it. Usually it was me questioning everything he believed in. Which I could imagine was extremely hard on him and his heart. When you both have God on your side, you both can look to His word together, meditate on His word and pray together as a family. Once I was saved I felt like our whole relationship, our hearts and our flesh could truly be one! We were no longer bumping heads but growing stronger as a newly married couple and as Christians. For once in my life I actually understood the saying, ” a family that prays together, stays together.”

 Another tip to a healthy marriage is distance. Sometimes we all just need alone time to gather our selves, our thoughts and our hearts. If we are constantly together with no “breaks” in between, and I mean like just time to be with friends, then we argue more and we’re constantly nagging at each other. I do believe that you can be around one person too much and smother them, figuratively speaking. Now we definitely don’t dis-like or hate eachother, just sometimes, like all humans, we need our space. If we are with eachother 24/7 then we don’t have time to miss one another. During the week my hubby works night shift so we’re away from eachother mostly all day. At first this was tough but over time I have grown to love it cause it makes me want and miss him that much more when he comes home. Plus it gives me my alone time aswell, and as much as I say “I don’t need friends,” we really do need our time alone to hang out with friends! On the weekends my husband goes dirt bike riding with his friends and it’s so nice cause it gives him that distance he needs from me and the time he needs with his friends. Then when he comes home we just have a blast talking about our day, and all the cool, fun things we did while we were away from eachother. For me, being a stay at home mom I don’t get very much time to hand out with friends or go places, and be with people my age. But for me I’m perfectly okay with this! In the mornings for 1 hour I get my alone time at the gym; I love it! It gives me my alone time to not worry about our toddler, whom is my whole world,  and his time alone for father and son bonding time! So yes, being away from eachother is completely needed at times! 

And lastly a little more personal, this one is for the parents out there; patience. This one is a must. As a woman/mother myself, sometimes making love or being intimate, just is NOT on my list of things to do. After having our child, for the first year and a half my sex drive plummeted. Intercorse became painful, so it really made me not want it at all. I thank God that my husband was so patient and understanding towards me with this! Also just having a child our minds are constantly worrying about the baby! “What if the baby rolled over and can’t breathe?!” “What if the baby just stopped breathing randomly, you know SIDS?!” “Wow my boobs hurt so bad!” “What if I’m engorged?! Should I pump?!” “What time is it?! I have to feed the baby in less than an hour!!,” “there’s so much laundry and dishes that need to be done!” We constantly have SO much on our minds when we’re new parents, and that can really put a damper on ones libidos! So fathers reading this, be patient with your wife and just be there for her during this difficult but new and exciting time and try to comfort her. I know I felt horrible having to withdrawal from my husband and I’m sure yours feels bad too! Just know that over time, if you have this issue, it does get better! Maybe I’ll write a blog on things they don’t tell you in the after effects of having a baby. 🙂 

One of my all time favorite scriptures is, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” And 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Overall, if you love one another unconditionally, and have your mind set to do anything and everything to stay together then everything else will fall into place! The fun thing about marriage is that you are both learning it together! It’s all new to both of you! Each marriage is different and so is each person. Just stay strong and love on and you can’t go wrong! ❤ 

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